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Has it been weeks since the death of your loved one and you still feel sluggish
with low energy levels? Are you hesitant in making decisions? Confused? Is hope
draining out of you and all you think about is a bleak future?
It is not unusual to suffer physical and emotional depletion when mourning.
Adapting to the loss of a loved one is always a major challenge and calls for a
new awareness and the development of new routines without the presence of the
beloved. We all must meet change by changing. It will help you immensely to deal
with all of the varying scenes in your new life if you will create the intention
to focus on what you can do to maintain your ability to make quality choices and
decisions. This means taking exceptional care of your brain.
It is easy to fall into poor habits of eating, sleeping, and taking care of
yourself when your attention is solely on the sadness of your great loss. Here
are several things you can do to strengthen your ability to cope with change by
taking care of the very center of the decision-making process.
1. Having a specific goal is critical for positive brain function. Make the
following one of the major tasks of your mourning: to grieve fully and at the
same time reinvest in life. You must not believe that you have to be sad all day
every day. It is critical to understand that you need respite from the stress of
grief work. This means treat yourself to something you like every day. Accept an
invitation to eat out, to be in the company of others, to enjoy a pleasant
event. This approach has a powerful effect on the brain.
Most importantly, consider your purpose; it's a way through. Everyone needs a
purpose, a dream, especially when we feel we have lost our everything. Work on
it as a way of reinvesting in life and energizing the brain.
2. Eat protein at all three meals every day. You don’t need a large portion.
Protein will assist a strong transmission of nerve impulses in the brain. It is
the major fuel for brain function. Lean meats are a must. One of the amino acids
in protein, tyrosine, will increase the levels of two important
neurotransmitters, norepinephrine and dopamine. They will help your energy
levels and you will feel better physically. Eliminate toxins from your diet,
such as those found in artificial sweeteners like high fructose corn syrup,
crystalline fructose, and aspartame.
3. Add omega -3 fatty acids to your diet at least once a day to assist cerebral
circulation and reduce inflammation. You can obtain this either in capsule form
or by eating salmon, tuna, or consuming fish or krill oil. At the same time, if
you are a smoker, cut back. At the very least, do not increase your use of
tobacco. Smoking is the worst thing you can do to your brain, especially at this
time of mourning, as it increases inflammation.
4. Keep learning. Anything new that you learn will stimulate the growth of new
cells and neural connections. One of the important ways to fill this need is to
find out all you can about grief and grief work, since our culture is not open
to discussing death in a healthy way before it comes into our lives. Or, try
learning new skills that you can use at home or on the job. Keep learning
something new for the rest of your life.
5. Never miss an opportunity to exercise; it is the true fountain of youth. You
may have heard this often in the past and given it little thought. Now more than
ever, science has shown the positive effects exercise can have on brain
chemistry, particularly mood and mental acuity, not to mention bone mass and
balance. Exercise boosts the “feel good” hormones (endorphins). It may also
serve as your best treatment for reactive depression that is a common condition
when grieving. Some studies suggest exercise is as good as most anti-depressive
drugs.
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6.
Strengthen your relationship with your Higher Power. Become more familiar with
your faith tradition. Feed your spiritual side; we all have one. Pray. Find
solitude each day. Meditate. Many have told me the effect prayer has had on how
they feel and how they have coped with their great losses. And, for the brain,
the faith you have in your Higher Power will positively influence the way it
functions as it replaces stressed filled memories.
7. Hydrate. Drink more clean spring water each day than whatever is your normal
beverage. Water is crucial in brain function, especially in relation to caffeine
and alcohols which are dehydrants, sucking water from cells and adding to that
let-down feeling. Staying hydrated will also keep your lymph system working to
remove toxins from the immune cells and reduce the possibilities of infections
when under stress.
8. Make every effort to focus on what you can do to strive to be more loving. In
my 30 years of helping the bereaved, I am convinced that love is the single most
effective coping strategy that will get you through any loss. For the brain, it
will minimize, often eliminate, the power of negative thoughts to generate
excessive and unnecessary emotional and physical pain.
Part of loving, and a boost for the brain, is to practice the attitude of
gratitude by keeping gratitude alive throughout the day as you interact with
people and nature. This takes work and 100% commitment. Challenge negative
thoughts, which comprise 70% of daily thoughts, with a gratitude memory.
By changing your frame of reference—with attention to seeing all you come in
contact with through the lens of love—you will find that fear of the future is
stripped away. Equally important, you will feel loved and positively influence
brain function. To love and feel loved is the very foundation of life itself.
Meditate for a moment on this quote from Mother Teresa: “There is more hunger
for love and appreciation than for bread.”
Author's Bio
Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent,
Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is
known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the
bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and is one of the founders of
Hospice and Palliative Care of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His monthly ezine-free
website is www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com.
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